First Option

The first possibility is scrubs.



Nope, not the tv show. The clothing popularized by nurses.



Essentially they are pajamas that thru repeated wear have become acceptable clothing in a healthcare office. Originally they were designed for jobs were you could expect to move a lot and get dirty. They are made so they can be changed and cleaned easily. You commonly see them worn by nurses, opticians, dental assistants, patient runners, physical therapists and front desk personnel. They fit the criteria for cleaning and they would be acceptable in a doctor's office, so this choice is definitely in the running. The negatives that I see are: it is winter time and scrubs are very thin. This means either Jennifer freezes or I crank up the heater increasing my utility bill and making me sweat like a Mormon at a Prop 8 rally. Also I personally don't think they are that attractive.

Apparently they also make scrub dresses. This does add another dimension of interest to the decision.

My blog

It has recently been pointed out to me that my blog is kind of Jennifercentric. I pretty much blog about subjects related to her and very little else. And I am very much okay with that. I purposely try to avoid "mommyblogging" because Jennifer already does that and I am not a mommy. I don't feel comfortable blogging about work and nobody else really cares how the Lakers are doing or what I am reading. Jennifer on the other hand is full of endless fascination. She is a subject that could always be written about. I am sure that anybody who occasions upon this blog fully agrees. Admittedly most of what I write lacks a certain element of sappiness, but that does not mean it isn't written with adoration and love.

Note: This was actually written back in mid-november. I had it all written and then never got around to posting it.

What to wear?

Last week Jennifer came into my office to help me out a little bit. She is going to keep coming in every Thursday. Obviously this means I need to establish some sort of dress code policy. Since she is going to be doing some cleaning the clothes need to be ones that won't show dirt easily, but since she will also probably be dealing with patients they also need to look professional. I thought I would post some sample dress code policies and pictures of clothing that would follow those guidelines and see what everybody thinks.

It's almost time.

The season is about to begin!

OCTOBER 28th Lakers and Trailblazers

Bynum v. Odom
Gasol v. Aldridge
Odom v. Outlaw (yes, I know this will probably be Vlad Rad v. Batum)
Bryant v. Roy
Fisher v. Blake

The Blazers are going to get killed. The Lakers are not only better at every position, they are deeper as well. This year the Lakers should be the best team in the NBA again. And this time the season needs to end with a parade. The only real worry is that the Lakers depth will make them dominant in the season, but will become somewhat irrelevant in the playoffs.

LAL all the way baby!

Sucktitude

This weeks sucks. I want to eat more and exercise less. I haven't been hydrating properly. I even have neglected my secret chili plan. To top it all off I cheated like a was a businessman in a Bangkok brothel last night.

The power of Chilies

The plan is working so far. Everyday since I began my diet I have included chilies or peppers in my diet. The metabolism boosts are phenomenal. The only draw back is the fiery burning mouth (and possibly stomach cancer). Some people in this contest are running six miles a day or more. If I tried to run six miles somebody would have to drive to the half-mile mark and pick me up. The best I can do is walking at a fast pace for 20 minute or so and then I need a break. I am pathetically out of shape. The good news is that I am working out and my endurance has improved, I am walking at a faster pace then I was at the beginning of last week. I am having a hard time sleeping. A friend of mine who used to do body-building contests told me a while a go that when you diet your body keeps you up longer to give you more chances to eat. Jennifer has given the ok for a cheat meal today: bacon cheeseburger and french fries. I am drooling just thinking about it. I hope everybody enjoys this disjointed post.

P.S. I heard talk about Sunday hoops after church last Sunday. Is this going to happen? We need to have advance notice so everybody can bring clothes and invite friends.

P.S.S. Another poker night could also be a good idea. I know that tv season is starting and evening workouts are probably consuming everyone evenings, but most of us have DVR's and proper planning could alleviate these issues. After the last poker night Jennifer even said she would play.

The Plan

Apparently I am supposed to lose weight. I started my weight loss plan off by eating leftover sour cream chicken enchiladas for lunch. Normally this would be a dieting mistake, but I know a secret. Capsaicin is a substance that is supposed to cause an increase in your metabolism. So I just just covered my enchiladas in a mouth numbing amount of chili sauce, which just happens to contain capsaicin, and suddenly I actually will lose weight by eating this delicious lunch. Now you know my Plan. Eat delicious foods covered with my special ingredient, dominate the weight loss challenge and probably start working as a male model at the end of this twelve weeks.

Proof I am Loved

I have no doubts that I am the most loved man on the planet. My wife brought me home Good and Plenty's. I like black licorice. Jennifer despises black licorice, she is sickened even by the smell of the dark deliciousness. I usually only get the goods when my mother-in-law (another follower of the true path of licorice) smuggles them to me. But the other night she surprised me with a box of the good stuff. Most of you have no idea about the depth of love it requires for her to supply me these goodies.

The List

Apparently some married couples have a list of five famous people that they get a pass to have sex with if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have never had such a list until today. So far there is only one person on it because I am highly selective (Update: apparently I am not as selective as I thought, after I put some time into it I found five babes that would make my list).

There was this chick in the paper today (in my book if you are mentioned in the local paper you're famous) that sounds totally HOT! Unfortunately they didn't include a picture, but you can tell from the reporters writing that we are dealing with a mega babe. The article had to do with cooking or kids or possibly cooking kids. I don't know. I couldn't even make it thru the whole article due to the undulating waves of sexiness that radiated from the paper whenever this one honey was mentioned. All you guys should definitely check it out, you ladies may want to take a gander to, but don't blame me if she makes you want to switch teams. Remember I saw her first. So back off!

Tonight after work I plan on tracking down this hottie and then spend the rest of the night doing really naughty (or possibly knotty, I will have to see if I can find any silk or satin rope) things with her. Jennifer, honey, I am sure you understand that when a guy has a chance like this he has to take it. I will be home late.

Ramble

Sources close to me have indicated that is possible that my blog focuses entirely too much on sex, drinking and gambling. In my defense I would like to point out that these are all billion dollar industries (...what do you mean that is not a defense? If that much money is being spent on something it go to be okay, right? Fine, you bunch of Puritans). Truly, I thought my writings on theses subjects either gave friends a chance to gather so I could take their money or were humorous. The reality was that some of them weren't as funny as I thought and apparently gathering friends together for the sex thing was to awkward.

So I am left with a conundrum: what should I write about? I don't want to do a "mommy blog", my wife already does that, and it would be bad form to steal her stories even if she says she would be okay with it (also I am a guy, and I don't particularly want to do a mommy blog). I could blog about my office, but patient confidentiality and a respect for my patients means that I should not and will not write any stories involving office events. What's left to write about? Minutia! I have decide to fill my blog with the mundane events of my life that don't involve family or work (sex, booze and gambling will still make appearance, just not to often).

Still reading? You might need a hobby. Why don't you go back and count all of the commas I used and decide if they were used in a grammatically correct fashion.

They were shuffled and they were dealt

The long planned card game together last night. Thanks to Mike and Joel for hosting at the office. We had a good time even though we missed a couple of people we were hoping to see. Apparently Nate and Tim didn't feel like donating (or possibly they weren't informed in a timely manner, sorry). Jennifer was a little upset that she didn't get to play so hopefully we can do this again in the near future. Jennifer has volunteered hosting duties for the next time we play.

Don't Do It

Don't click on this link. Fantastic Contraptions If you like to solve puzzles or play games, definitely don't click on this link Fantastic Contraptions You have a family, there are books to read, tv to watch and conversations to be had. Don't click on this link Fantastic Contraptions

Did you click on the link? Fantastic Contraptions Have you solved the first three or four puzzles yet? See, you don't need to see your family, read, watch tv or talk to people. You can move the pink ball into the pink square. You don't need anything else except caffeine to keep you going so you can solve the next puzzle.

Your welcome.

You may need this after the first three hours.

Shuffle up and Deal!

Since the ladies of Bridge keep canceling Women's Group it seems to me that there is an extra free night during the week. If we strike quickly this free day could be seized and wrested away from them for the foreseeable future. (In reality I probably don't have a free night every week and I actually do not want to permanently take away the Women's Group evening so please don't send me angry emails.) I suggest that some of the Bridge gentleman (and ladies if they are interested) plan a poker evening. A no limit hold-em game in a tournament format would be fun. If anybody else is game please put what day works best for you in the comments.

Hangin' wit da homies

Almost every Sunday at church I am challenged by something that I could be doing better in my christian walk. When I leave church I generally feel fired up or inspired to improve some aspect of my relationship with God. Unfortunately, often a few weeks go by and I am re-challenged at church to improve that same aspect because I have let my improvements slip away. At times I worry that church is becoming a hot tub experience. When you are sore and tired climbing into a hot tub can make you feel better while you are in it, but it doesn't make any actual long-lasting physiological changes. The reasons you were tired and sore still exist outside of that hot tub.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to re-challenged at church. In Hebrews it is said that Christians should meet regularly to spur one another towards love and good deeds and to encourage one another. The early Christians seemed to realize that similar to the way we can't make it in this world without God, we also have a much more difficult time surviving without other Christians to encourage and inspire.

"The most important thing is not to win but to take part!".

Before they were awarded the Olympic games the Chinese government promised to relax their ever vigilant censorship and allow foreign journalist to truly report on how things are in China. The nearer the games have come the less willing the Chinese have been to allow reporters free reign. Journalists are being shut down by threats of imprisonment or banishment.



The truth as far as we can tell from outside is that China is one of the most polluted and intolerant regimes on earth. The Darfur genocide has been in large part supported by China in an effort to help secure one of their most important supplies of foreign oil (and yes I understand that Americans have essentially no moral superiority when it comes to foreign oil discussions, but at least we are attempting to improve things in other countries and making zero attempts to confiscate or loot their oil supplies), and while many athletes from the NBA have participated in attempts to educate the public about the Darfur situation they are forbidden from making any statements of a political nature during the Olympics. This is because the Olympics are supposedly non-political. Which is why at awards ceremonies the gold medal winners have their national anthem played, berths are awarded by country rather then by inviting the best athletes regardless of country and medal counts are given by country. Luckily the IOC is probably the most corrupt international organization outside of the UN. The idea that the games are non-political is ridiculous.


When the Olympics begin in a few days I will be watching (particularly the hoops), and ignoring the facts that surround the games in the forms of doping, biased judges and dirty politics. The athletes efforts often make it easy to forget the surrounding corruption.

Inappropriate Humor

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

A plane was flying from London, England to New York when it encountered a rough storm. The captain used the intercom to assure the passengers that everything would be fine. After an hour of rough weather the captain got on the intercom again and announced that due to ice build up on the wings the plane would be forced to dump weight in the form of the passengers luggage in order to maintain altitude. After another hour of turbulence the captain announced that the flight crew would now have to jettison the planes seats or the plane would be forced into the sea. After another hour of gut wrenching flying the captain announced that they were twenty minutes from safety, but the plane wouldn't make it unless three brave passengers were willing to jump from the plane and sacrifice themselves to save everybody else on board. Immediately an Englishman stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "God save the Queen" and jumped. After a short wait a Frenchman stood walked to the door, yelled "Viva la France" and jumped. The passengers eyed each other for a minute until a big Texan stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "Remember the Alamo" and grabbed a Mexican and threw him out the door.

The Lap Dance Watch

It is day 24 and still no dance. Stay tuned for future updates.

Update: Certain threats have been made if the Lap Dance Watch continues to be published. Unfortunately these threats of censorship must be taken seriously. The Lap Dance Watch is currently suspended.

The Bet

Has anybody out there ever made a bet with their spouse? Has that spouse after losing the bet delayed paying off on the bet or desperately searched for loopholes to get out of paying up? If so what did you do about it? You can't exactly hire Guido to strong arm a loved one and if you have to constantly demand payment you lose the fun spirit of the bet and end up with pissed off wife.

So I will tell all of you loyal readers about my current predicament and see if any of you have any idea about what I should do. On August 7th my wife and I made a bet on whether or not my mom had gone to church the previous Sunday. My mom, grandparents and little brother were coming back from a weekend at the coast when they were stopped by road closures due to the fires. They left Eureka at around 2 in the afternoon and didn't make it home to Redding until about 1:30 the following morning. When Jennifer, myself and our kids left the coast on Monday we began discussing whether or not my mom, dedicated to church to a degree that would make Paul look like bedside Baptist, had gone to church Sunday morning. I said there was no way they went, while Jennifer was certain that they had. This discussion went on for a few minutes until Jennifer said I will bet you that she went. The following wager was proposed: if they had gone to church I would have to clean the bathroom, if they didn't go to church then Jennifer would give me a lap dance.

They Didn't go to church!

Yeah for me, right?

But it is now July 30th and there has been no lap dance!

Jennifer claimed I forfeited the gyration of her scantily clad hips by bringing the subject up about a week or two after the original bet, and saying that the longer the lap dance was left undone the more interest it would collect and that it would soon grow to two lap dances. At that point she claimed the whole thing was a SCAM! And that she would in no way participate.

What do I do now?

Nominate

I was watching a show with my wife last night when I realized that I dressed quite a bit like the dorky guy in the show. I pointed this out to Jennifer and instead of reassuring me about my style choices she whole heartedly agreed. Unfortunately most of my style sense was formed by a private school dress code. Jennifer has tried, and succeeded to some extent, to change the way I dress, but I suspect I need radical help. There is a show called What not to Wear, I have never actually seen it, but apparently they do style makeovers on people. To get on the show you need to be secretly nominated by someone. So why don't you click on the link and nominate me (but you cannot tell me you did so), because I may have already nominated you.
In fact I think it would be funny to nominate various people for different reality shows. Who wouldn't want to see Joel and Leslie on Wife Swap or Mike on Survivor?

FYI: I am not really all that worried about how I dress. I think I look fine most of the time, although I will admit to the occasional fashion faux pas. For instance a few weeks ago I tried wearing hats. I wore one to the office and when I left work two hours later with Jennifer to go to Tessa's kindergarten graduation I was informed the hat had to go. I haven't worn it since.

What not to Wear

Anybody have a bowling ball I could borrow?

Owls v. Crazy People

Okay, apparantly I am supposed to call "morning people" larks not crazy. Whatever. I am not morning person, I have never been a morning person, I don't particularly wish to be a morning person. At various times in my life I have been an early riser for work, school or kids, but it is not what I really like to do. Every few months there seems to be articles on how to "become" a morning person in some major publication or website. The thing is, it is not really that hard to be functional in the morning. You just go to bed earlier and get up earlier. You might have a tough time for the first few days, but most people adjust fairly readily to a new schedule. (I know some people try to speed up the transition with sleeping pills, but if you give me an OTC sleeping pill I will still be groggy three days later.) Getting up early on a regular basis doesn't make you a morning person, you are also not a morning person if you attach a caffeine drip to yourself first thing in the morning-you are a junkie with a stimulant habit-or possibly you just like coffee, springing out of bed happy, perky and productive makes you a morning person. My mom is a morning person, my grandma is not, I am not, I fear that at least 2 of my 3 kids are. What does this mean? Well when your kids jump out of bed happy, wriggly and ready for the day it is not really fair to them to greet them with sullen functionality. So I guess I have to make the effort to try to become an actual morning person. Bummer.

Father's Day

Another Father's Day has come and gone. It's a weird day for me in some ways, my parents divorced when I was pretty young and my dad moved out of state. This meant that I never personally celebrated Father's Day until I had kids. I still don't really know what to expect each year when this day rolls around.

I found out what my Father's Day gift was this morning when Tessa told me the shoes I had on for church weren't cool and that I should wear my new sandals. She quickly told me I had to forget what she had just said. When I assured her I had already forgotten she got annoyed and wanted to know how I could forget what she had just said. A little FYI for everybody, don't tell Tessa about presents unless you want the recipient to find out what they are early. She gets way to excited and always slips up and tells. The new sandals were sweet because I destroyed my old ones last Sunday at church while walking to the nursery to pick up Isabella (about twelve people last week commented about me not having shoes on after church). Luckily I was able to wear my new cool sandals, and look good on Father's Day.

It was a good day overall. Joel preached a good sermon (I really have to remember to bring paper so I can take notes). Then after the service I was put in charge of the grilling at the church BBQ and was able to turnout some fairly yummy food. Joel is also owed an apology. When Mike and I found out that Joel hadn't marinated the tri-tip or brought any spices besides BBQ sauce we gave him a bad time about it. I admit I was completely wrong. The BBQ sauce was delicious and the meat could not have tasted better. Tricia's turkey dogs were apparently really tasty, we were barely able to save one for her to eat, and I had to turn down multiple requests for more of them. Later in the day we went to my in-laws and had some fish my father-in-law had caught. I then fixed their gas grill by replacing the burner (I spent a good portion of my day involved with a gas grill in one form or another). After that I got to go home and watch the Lakers finals game a had DVRed. I cannot say I enjoyed the game, but I enjoyed the win. They played a lousy game on offense and defense, were torched by the Truth, semi-screwed by the refs and they still managed to put up their highest point total in the Finals so far and win the game.

I hope everybody else out there had as good of a day as I did. Happy Father's day to all the dads. Look forward to the coming week, and add up your point for the blogging Olympics (Jennifer tells me I have 68 which might be enough for the win).

Game Five

At 6:00 tonight we get to see if the Lakers are going to roll over and die, or if they can put forth an effort that gets the series back to Boston. Currently the Celtics have a 3-1 series lead. In the NBA Finals I don't think anyone has ever come from behind 3-1 and won the championship. So far the past ten days have shown Phil Jackson unable to get his team motivated for a full 48 minutes, a team of guys that can't keep their heads together for a Finals game and the only victory came when the Celtics best player had to sit with foul trouble. In other words the Celtics have come to win and Lakers came with no idea of what to do.
Lakers can win tonight if Luke, Vlad or Trevor can effectively guard Pierce, Kobe hits the pinch post jumper, Lamar controls the defensive rebounds and Gasol finishes around the rim. If they don't the leperchauns get to celebrate on our home court. (Yeah, I said "our" I have been a Lakers fan for life and I am a part of the team as their official future team chiropractor.) Hopefully the Lakers Sunday whites bring some luck.

Tessa said I need basketball and flowers on my blog.

What did you say?

When I am in the bathroom in the morning getting ready for the day I tend to talk to myself. It is basically just a rambling stream of words that comes out with even less of a filter than I typically have. I don't even pay attention to what I am saying, and even if you asked what I had said nine times out of ten I wouldn't be able to tell you after ten seconds. This can occasionally lead to problems if Jennifer happens to "hear" what I am saying (I put hear in parentheses because the words all come out in this sub vocalized gibberish).
Last week I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth while Jennifer was taking her shower. I proceeded to give my typically morning series of random words while I put toothpaste on my toothbrush and turned it on (it is one of those oscillating ones). All of a sudden Jennifer pokes her head out of the shower and demands to know what I just said. Luckily she caught me in the first ten seconds so the words were still in my short term memory. I had said "I need a nap." I wasn't quite awake yet and was wishing for a few more minutes in the land of Nod. Jennifer said okay and went back to her shower, but I knew that based on her reaction I really needed to know what she thought I had said. She laughed and said "I heard 'I need a blonde.'"
For the next several days I managed to say or IM to Jennifer at least once a day that "I need a blonde". I encourage all of the married guys out there to do the same with whatever hair color would be inappropriate. It almost always earns a laugh and a punch.

Something for the kids

Apparently Tessa liked the Three Little Pigs entirley to much for Jennifer's taste. I had to take down the video to ensure domestic tranquility. It probaly wasn't exactly kid appropriate anyway.

Booze

If anybody out there would like to try a delicious cocktail I would suggest an old fashioned whiskey sour. Place 3 oz of bourbon, 1/2 oz of cherry juice, 3/4 oz of sweet and sour and two dashes of bitters into a shaker with ice and shake. Pour the resulting nectar of deliciousness over ice and enjoy.

Veggies

This is the first year that I have tried to grow a garden on my own. In the past I babysat my Grandpa's garden when he worked out of town, but he had done all of the initial work and I just had to water, weed and pick the goodies. I planted tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, zucchini and yellow squash. Currently everything is growing and alive. The cucumbers and peppers are even flowering. The only problem is that all of my plants are half the size or less of my Grandpa's plants. I actually planted the exact same tomatoes as my Grandpa (he grew them from seed), and his are at least three times as big as mine. My Grandpa has spent the last several years perfecting his soil with a combination of loam, goat manure and special ingredients that he won't divulge. If anybody has a magic fertilizer, drop some off at my house and I will happily repay you in super vegetables.

Fledgling: A Liaden Universe Project

Fledgling: A Liaden Universe Project
Here is an example of space opera. I actually have not read this book, but the same authors wrote Agent of Change which is widely considered one of the best "space opera" style books.

Reading

In his book Glory Road Heinlein had one of his characters admit to an addiction that was harder to shake than drugs: reading. This might seem odd to some people, but most of my family is composed of people who get the shakes if they enter a room without a bookcase. In the past couple of years I have dramatically reduced my reading due to kids, work, life, etc. I still enjoy a good book (or a trashy space opera) so I am presenting my top ten fiction authors in no particular order. Please note that this is a current list, it most likely would have been different last week and will surely change by next week.

1. Glen Cook



2. James Michener



3. Terry Pratchett



4. John Ringo



5. Thorne Smith



6. James Clavell



7. Sharon Lee and Steve Miller (husband and wife team)



8. Carl Hiaasen



9. Lawerence Block



10. Robert Aspirin

I have no idea why anybody would be interested in this list, but there it is.

Competitions

I admit it, I essentially started this blog in order to compete in the blogger olympics. For some reason if someone (usually Mike) suggests a competition I always want to join in. Unfortunately I am not taking part in the other contests right now such as weight loss and etc. I think the reason I have avoided the other contests is that while Mike's favorite team, the Giants, is mired in sucktitude my favorite team, Lakers, is in the Finals. Basically I currently have other things to do, such as swear at the referees, yell at Odom and beg Walton to finish around the rim. Good luck to everybody in the blogger olympics and may the newest blogger win (if I win, I swear I will start my victory post with "First I need to thank God and my family ...").

Name that blog!

When starting a blog the first step is to come up with a name that hasn't already been used by some 14 year old kid. I choose the name Jotted, Edited and Disseminated. The first person to correctly guess why I choose that name wins an attaboy. All of you veteran bloggers out there are shaking your heads thinking that starting a blog with a post that requires comments should be a recipe for sadness and despair. Luckily I have a secret weapon: the Blogging Olympics. Basically I am depending on people trying to score commenting points to keep my initial post from being a heart rending failure.

What in the name of all that is unholy just happened?

The Lakers blew a 24 point lead and lost game 4 to the celtics. This has ruined the joy of the blogger olympics.