Proof I am Loved

I have no doubts that I am the most loved man on the planet. My wife brought me home Good and Plenty's. I like black licorice. Jennifer despises black licorice, she is sickened even by the smell of the dark deliciousness. I usually only get the goods when my mother-in-law (another follower of the true path of licorice) smuggles them to me. But the other night she surprised me with a box of the good stuff. Most of you have no idea about the depth of love it requires for her to supply me these goodies.

The List

Apparently some married couples have a list of five famous people that they get a pass to have sex with if the opportunity ever presents itself. I have never had such a list until today. So far there is only one person on it because I am highly selective (Update: apparently I am not as selective as I thought, after I put some time into it I found five babes that would make my list).

There was this chick in the paper today (in my book if you are mentioned in the local paper you're famous) that sounds totally HOT! Unfortunately they didn't include a picture, but you can tell from the reporters writing that we are dealing with a mega babe. The article had to do with cooking or kids or possibly cooking kids. I don't know. I couldn't even make it thru the whole article due to the undulating waves of sexiness that radiated from the paper whenever this one honey was mentioned. All you guys should definitely check it out, you ladies may want to take a gander to, but don't blame me if she makes you want to switch teams. Remember I saw her first. So back off!

Tonight after work I plan on tracking down this hottie and then spend the rest of the night doing really naughty (or possibly knotty, I will have to see if I can find any silk or satin rope) things with her. Jennifer, honey, I am sure you understand that when a guy has a chance like this he has to take it. I will be home late.

Ramble

Sources close to me have indicated that is possible that my blog focuses entirely too much on sex, drinking and gambling. In my defense I would like to point out that these are all billion dollar industries (...what do you mean that is not a defense? If that much money is being spent on something it go to be okay, right? Fine, you bunch of Puritans). Truly, I thought my writings on theses subjects either gave friends a chance to gather so I could take their money or were humorous. The reality was that some of them weren't as funny as I thought and apparently gathering friends together for the sex thing was to awkward.

So I am left with a conundrum: what should I write about? I don't want to do a "mommy blog", my wife already does that, and it would be bad form to steal her stories even if she says she would be okay with it (also I am a guy, and I don't particularly want to do a mommy blog). I could blog about my office, but patient confidentiality and a respect for my patients means that I should not and will not write any stories involving office events. What's left to write about? Minutia! I have decide to fill my blog with the mundane events of my life that don't involve family or work (sex, booze and gambling will still make appearance, just not to often).

Still reading? You might need a hobby. Why don't you go back and count all of the commas I used and decide if they were used in a grammatically correct fashion.

They were shuffled and they were dealt

The long planned card game together last night. Thanks to Mike and Joel for hosting at the office. We had a good time even though we missed a couple of people we were hoping to see. Apparently Nate and Tim didn't feel like donating (or possibly they weren't informed in a timely manner, sorry). Jennifer was a little upset that she didn't get to play so hopefully we can do this again in the near future. Jennifer has volunteered hosting duties for the next time we play.

Don't Do It

Don't click on this link. Fantastic Contraptions If you like to solve puzzles or play games, definitely don't click on this link Fantastic Contraptions You have a family, there are books to read, tv to watch and conversations to be had. Don't click on this link Fantastic Contraptions

Did you click on the link? Fantastic Contraptions Have you solved the first three or four puzzles yet? See, you don't need to see your family, read, watch tv or talk to people. You can move the pink ball into the pink square. You don't need anything else except caffeine to keep you going so you can solve the next puzzle.

Your welcome.

You may need this after the first three hours.

Shuffle up and Deal!

Since the ladies of Bridge keep canceling Women's Group it seems to me that there is an extra free night during the week. If we strike quickly this free day could be seized and wrested away from them for the foreseeable future. (In reality I probably don't have a free night every week and I actually do not want to permanently take away the Women's Group evening so please don't send me angry emails.) I suggest that some of the Bridge gentleman (and ladies if they are interested) plan a poker evening. A no limit hold-em game in a tournament format would be fun. If anybody else is game please put what day works best for you in the comments.

Hangin' wit da homies

Almost every Sunday at church I am challenged by something that I could be doing better in my christian walk. When I leave church I generally feel fired up or inspired to improve some aspect of my relationship with God. Unfortunately, often a few weeks go by and I am re-challenged at church to improve that same aspect because I have let my improvements slip away. At times I worry that church is becoming a hot tub experience. When you are sore and tired climbing into a hot tub can make you feel better while you are in it, but it doesn't make any actual long-lasting physiological changes. The reasons you were tired and sore still exist outside of that hot tub.

Recently I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to re-challenged at church. In Hebrews it is said that Christians should meet regularly to spur one another towards love and good deeds and to encourage one another. The early Christians seemed to realize that similar to the way we can't make it in this world without God, we also have a much more difficult time surviving without other Christians to encourage and inspire.

"The most important thing is not to win but to take part!".

Before they were awarded the Olympic games the Chinese government promised to relax their ever vigilant censorship and allow foreign journalist to truly report on how things are in China. The nearer the games have come the less willing the Chinese have been to allow reporters free reign. Journalists are being shut down by threats of imprisonment or banishment.



The truth as far as we can tell from outside is that China is one of the most polluted and intolerant regimes on earth. The Darfur genocide has been in large part supported by China in an effort to help secure one of their most important supplies of foreign oil (and yes I understand that Americans have essentially no moral superiority when it comes to foreign oil discussions, but at least we are attempting to improve things in other countries and making zero attempts to confiscate or loot their oil supplies), and while many athletes from the NBA have participated in attempts to educate the public about the Darfur situation they are forbidden from making any statements of a political nature during the Olympics. This is because the Olympics are supposedly non-political. Which is why at awards ceremonies the gold medal winners have their national anthem played, berths are awarded by country rather then by inviting the best athletes regardless of country and medal counts are given by country. Luckily the IOC is probably the most corrupt international organization outside of the UN. The idea that the games are non-political is ridiculous.


When the Olympics begin in a few days I will be watching (particularly the hoops), and ignoring the facts that surround the games in the forms of doping, biased judges and dirty politics. The athletes efforts often make it easy to forget the surrounding corruption.

Inappropriate Humor

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

A plane was flying from London, England to New York when it encountered a rough storm. The captain used the intercom to assure the passengers that everything would be fine. After an hour of rough weather the captain got on the intercom again and announced that due to ice build up on the wings the plane would be forced to dump weight in the form of the passengers luggage in order to maintain altitude. After another hour of turbulence the captain announced that the flight crew would now have to jettison the planes seats or the plane would be forced into the sea. After another hour of gut wrenching flying the captain announced that they were twenty minutes from safety, but the plane wouldn't make it unless three brave passengers were willing to jump from the plane and sacrifice themselves to save everybody else on board. Immediately an Englishman stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "God save the Queen" and jumped. After a short wait a Frenchman stood walked to the door, yelled "Viva la France" and jumped. The passengers eyed each other for a minute until a big Texan stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "Remember the Alamo" and grabbed a Mexican and threw him out the door.