Inappropriate Humor

What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair

A plane was flying from London, England to New York when it encountered a rough storm. The captain used the intercom to assure the passengers that everything would be fine. After an hour of rough weather the captain got on the intercom again and announced that due to ice build up on the wings the plane would be forced to dump weight in the form of the passengers luggage in order to maintain altitude. After another hour of turbulence the captain announced that the flight crew would now have to jettison the planes seats or the plane would be forced into the sea. After another hour of gut wrenching flying the captain announced that they were twenty minutes from safety, but the plane wouldn't make it unless three brave passengers were willing to jump from the plane and sacrifice themselves to save everybody else on board. Immediately an Englishman stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "God save the Queen" and jumped. After a short wait a Frenchman stood walked to the door, yelled "Viva la France" and jumped. The passengers eyed each other for a minute until a big Texan stood up walked to the plane door, yelled "Remember the Alamo" and grabbed a Mexican and threw him out the door.

The Lap Dance Watch

It is day 24 and still no dance. Stay tuned for future updates.

Update: Certain threats have been made if the Lap Dance Watch continues to be published. Unfortunately these threats of censorship must be taken seriously. The Lap Dance Watch is currently suspended.

The Bet

Has anybody out there ever made a bet with their spouse? Has that spouse after losing the bet delayed paying off on the bet or desperately searched for loopholes to get out of paying up? If so what did you do about it? You can't exactly hire Guido to strong arm a loved one and if you have to constantly demand payment you lose the fun spirit of the bet and end up with pissed off wife.

So I will tell all of you loyal readers about my current predicament and see if any of you have any idea about what I should do. On August 7th my wife and I made a bet on whether or not my mom had gone to church the previous Sunday. My mom, grandparents and little brother were coming back from a weekend at the coast when they were stopped by road closures due to the fires. They left Eureka at around 2 in the afternoon and didn't make it home to Redding until about 1:30 the following morning. When Jennifer, myself and our kids left the coast on Monday we began discussing whether or not my mom, dedicated to church to a degree that would make Paul look like bedside Baptist, had gone to church Sunday morning. I said there was no way they went, while Jennifer was certain that they had. This discussion went on for a few minutes until Jennifer said I will bet you that she went. The following wager was proposed: if they had gone to church I would have to clean the bathroom, if they didn't go to church then Jennifer would give me a lap dance.

They Didn't go to church!

Yeah for me, right?

But it is now July 30th and there has been no lap dance!

Jennifer claimed I forfeited the gyration of her scantily clad hips by bringing the subject up about a week or two after the original bet, and saying that the longer the lap dance was left undone the more interest it would collect and that it would soon grow to two lap dances. At that point she claimed the whole thing was a SCAM! And that she would in no way participate.

What do I do now?